New Year 2013

     As I sit her thinking, I don't really know where to start. I have so many different, thoughts, feelings and emotions running through my head right now. I'm sitting here in my apartment all by myself. I sit here sobbing like a little kid. tears uncontrollably running down my cheeks. There are 4 reasons for this. 1st- I'm realizing and thinking about all that I have and how grateful I am for everything I have in my life and how truly blessed I am. 2- I'm thinking about all my new year resolutions and how badly I want to make them happen. I've never been one to make resolutions this year but I feel like this is something I need to do at this time. I'll go into more detail a little later about them. 3rd- I'm thinking about the gospel and my faith and where I was a few years ago and where I am now, and just how much growing I need to do and how much better I need to be. And 4th last but not least, sometimes a good cry is needed. I don't remember the last time I just sat and cried. It's not something I really like confessing, but sometimes if feels good just to let everything out, after always trying to be so strong and put all the good, bad and the ugly behind you and move on sometimes a cry is needed. I'm not afraid to admit I cry though. It's not something I like or want everyone to know but I really am a big softy.
     I think to start off I want to go over some of my goals and ambitions for this year and kind of mix it in with some other thoughts and feelings, I guess we'll just see where it goes from here. First of all, I want to be more open. I feel like I'm very quiet and shy and I don't open up to people easily, not even my family. But I want to try harder to just talk to people and say hi and smile and just be more friendly and outgoing with those around me.
     Next, I want to be closer with my friends and family. I feel like this is something I'm pretty good at but there's always room for improvement. I want them to know that they can count on me and trust me to always be there for them.
    3rd, I want to have or be in a relationship. I've never had one as we all know. I'm starting to get older and I think it's time for me to get going in that direction. I want to find someone so I can stop feeling so lonely. someone I can count on and that can count on me. Someone I can share special moments with, have fun and get through hard times with. it's always easier when you have someone to lean on. I think it's time.
    4th, I want to be, a better student. I've kind of put being a better student on the back burner and just kind of floated my way through school, but now that I have direction and a destination I know what I need to do, I need to buckle down and study and work hard, so that I can become someone and not just be another average person. I want to make something of myself and go places I don't want to barely survive and live paycheck to paycheck. That's no life and I want to be able to support a family. I want to graduate and get a college degree.
     5th- I need to be better in my faith. I need and want to be better about going to church, reading my scriptures and just having faith in the Lord that everything will work out for my benefit. I know the feelings I have when I do what's right and and I want to constantly be having those feelings around me. I know when I do what's right everything else will fall into place.
    I do have a few other more personal goals I want to and need to work on but I feel that they're things that shouldn't be shouldn't be shared for just anyone to read, but things that only I and maybe a girlfriend or fiance or wife should know about. life goals and things such as that. but that's about all I'm gunna say and just leave it at that.
     Those are a few of the main things i'm looking at working on for 2013. I hope that they wont be something that I just forget about and it becomes a memory, but something that I really really strive to do and hopefully i'll be blessed and that things will start to fall in place and maybe get some unexpected blessings along the way. I hope to meet lots of new friends and gain close friendships and that I can hopefully help some people along the way. "Life isn't meant to be endured, it's meant to be lived." I hope I can finally learn to live and not endure life.So here's to 2013 and to making it better than last year, here's to making me a better person and helping those around me be better also.