Mixed emotions

These last couple weeks have been kind of interesting. For anyone that doesn't know yet, my brother is getting married here in a couple weeks. As you can imagine there is lots of wedding talk, I see them together all the time kissing and being with each other, sharing things and seeing them begin their lives together. This makes me so happy yet so sad. It makes my emotions go out of control because I don't know what to think. It stresses me out....A lot. Probably more than it should. Here's the problem, I'm so happy for my brother, I love seeing him so happy, probably the happiest he's ever been in his life. I'm so glad he found someone that loves him just as much as he loves her. I love that. I always thought my brother kinda struggled with girls and didn't really know how to act around them that's what makes this so much better is that I don't have to see him suffer with girls anymore. It's just the greatest thing ever, now here's the bad part. My whole life I've had family and friends tell me that they expected me to be married before my brother because I was always such a ladies man. Or now that my brother is getting married all I hear is well jake now it's your turn, or when are you getting married or other things like that. To be honest this drives me nuts. I'm not looking to get married anytime soon. If it happens and I find the right person, well then it happens but i'm not out looking for marriage. However yes I do also wish I could find someone to date. Just someone to spend time with and get to know. Someone to share awesome times with and also share the really hard times with. I don't think anyone likes being alone. Tonight I threw a bachelor party for my brother and it turned out really good. But out of all the guys that were there only me and 1 or 2 others were the only ones not married so as you can imagine we got lots of heat from everyone else telling us to get on the ball. I would think them of all people would understand, then again things seemed to fall into place so easily for them with their wives that maybe they really don't. It's not like I'm not doing my part because I am. I'm putting myself out there like never before, I've been trying to take girls out on dates I've tried to get to know lots of different people, I just seem to have the worst luck in the world. Every time I find a girl that I think I could date, a girl that I start to fall for there's always something that gets in the way that I can't control, whether it be that she can't get over an ex boyfriend, or she doesn't know what she wants, or is just scared of getting into something because of all the times she's been hurt. I always seem to find these girls and I still don't understand why. I start getting to know them and it's all stuff I've heard before yet I think oh maybe she's different, but it never fails, girls just never change. Which really sucks by the way. When it comes to girls I'm very picky so if I fall for her there's usually something pretty special about her. My problem is, is that when I fall, I fall hard. I'm too nice! If I meet someone I can see myself dating or wanting to get to know better I am willing to put everything aside to get to know that person. I'm willing to do anything. But too many people now days have to play the game. well I'm going to wait for him to text me first or I have to be nice then mean to attract them because people always want what they can't have. and it's just all these mind games going on and it's so stupid. I don't understand what's so wrong with liking someone and taking a chance on them. Maybe you've been hurt before maybe you can't stop thinking about your ex but you never know what someone has to offer you until you take a chance on them, it could be the best thing to ever happen to you. Yes i'm guilty of this too sometimes I'm not perfect but i'm working on it. I just think that too many times people are stuck either in the past or thinking about the future too much (I fall into this category) and not often enough to do we just live and love the moment we're in. I really just hate how complicated dating is, it really shouldn't be this hard but we tend to make it as hard as possible. I love my brother and i'm so grateful he found someone to love and that things worked out for him. But I hate waiting around being reminded everyday by others about how I'm still single and probably will be for a while. Sometimes I can't help but think about how great of a day it will be when I finally have that special girl that I can love and take care of for the rest of my life. I can't help but wonder who she is, what she looks like and wonder if she's thinking the same thing about me. I look forward to the day that I meet her and the day we both know we have something special. even tho for now all I want is to date and just have someone around to be with and share experiences with. But for now I just have to be patient and know that the Lord has a plan for me and I just have to have faith it'll all work out in the end. I know once again this was probably just a bunch of rambling, but get use to it because that's probably how everything will be :)