So it's been about two weeks since I last posted and you wouldn't believe how much has happened. Things were crazy, from running on about 10 hours of sleep from one week to going down to cedar city for Derek and Sierra's open house to looking for places to live, it's just been insane. The last couple weeks actually went by pretty good and overall I was a pretty happy person after having been depressed. Well that all changed today.
Since we moved out of our apartment in Logan Landing I've been looking for a new place to live. I've been living with my brother for this month until him and Sierra get married. Well the deal was for me to stay here for most the month and then stay in the apartment for a week until the 21st when they got back from their honeymoon. Well while I was looking at places to live I noticed most places wouldn't let you move in till the end of August. After kind of bringing of the topic to Derek a while ago just about move in dates he said if I needed to stick around a few extra days till my move in date then that would be fine. Well today we found a place and it was official we would be moving in on the 26th, so all I would need is 5 extra days at Derek's place and I figured it would be alright since he had said if I needed a few days I could just stay. So today when I got home Sierra was in the kitchen cleaning and I just kinda talked to her for a second and she said Derek was on his way so I wanted to hang out a little bit to kind of talk to them when he got there. So he gets there and after chatting with them for a bit I bring up the topic and just out of respect I ask them what they thought about me maybe staying 5 extra days just till my move in date. I didn't get the answer I expected. Derek and Sierra looked at each other then Sierra looked at me and said, "No! You can stay here till the 21st but that's it, then you gotta be gone," at first I just kinda laughed thinking she was just joking around but as the conversation progressed I realized quickly that she wasn't. I looked to my brother for a little support and he just looked at me like, "sorry, there's nothing I can do, it's her choice." I just sat there thinking like really? come on you do have somewhat of a say in this. and so I asked them, well what do you suggest I do for 5 days?" Their response was..."take a week off of work and move home to salt lake for a week."........UH ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!! How stupid are you? I've already taken like 2 and a half weeks off for all of you wedding stuff to help you guys out, so first of all I have no time to take off, 2nd of all I need money, I can't just not work and expect to be ok and 3rd that would just be ridiculous. So they got me all fired up and I left the room before I started yelling. I went upstairs and sat on my bed and just thought, "how can you do that to your own brother, to family?" it's not like I was asking to move in with them, it's not like I'm just getting out of prison and looking for a place to stay, all I need is a place to sleep for 5 nights till I can move into my place. I sat there and just thought wow, if my brother needed a place to live I would offer it to him in a second in fact I would make sure I was his first choice. But all they could say to me was, "we don't want someone living with us our first week of be married" I just couldn't get that out of my head. it's not like I'm home half the time anyway. I work nights for crying out loud so if they're worried having sex when i'm around that should be the least of their worries. I come home at 5 or 6 in the morning, i'm pretty sure they wont be going all night long every night. I'm sure they'll be done by 5 or 6, then if they wanna do it when they wake up well i'll be out cold. I'm a deep sleeper and would not wake up to that. and by the time I do wake up they're both gone to work! And when I get up, I get ready and leave and i'm with my friends all day. I honestly don't see how you're going to throw your own brother out on the streets for 5 days. I always thought blood was thicker than water. In my eyes family always comes first and I would do anything for anyone of them. I feel like I have sacrificed so much time and money into my brothers wedding helping them get everything ready traveling to places and having to pay all that gas money just so I could be there to support him and this is how he repays me? by kicking me out? wow what a great thing family is. I could never do that to any of my brothers. I looked up to him so much because he always seemed to put family first he always helped me out when I needed it, but when I need it most what happens? I get tossed to the side like i'm no big deal. From this one simple little act, it makes me feel like he doesn't want me in his life and that he could honestly care less about me. It makes me want to not have any part to do with his wedding, I don't wanna be there at all I don't want to show up, I don't want to be in pictures, I just don't want anything to do with it. Why would I want to go to my brothers wedding when it seems as though he just pushed me out of his life. I just don't understand how family can do something like that to each other, it really just boggles my mind and it frustrates me to no end. it's all I could think about all afternoon and night. My own brother, someone I was so close to. someone I did everything with. I just can't even express how angry this makes me. I didn't say one word to him tonight and I don't plan on talking to him for a while. after his wedding I plan on moving out, I plan on not letting him know where I'm moving to, I plan on not going to his work just to say hi and see how he's doing I plan on just staying out of his life like he wants it. I want nothing to do with him. sure i'll go through the motions this weekend, i'll smile and act happy and take pictures, but after that, i'm done. I'm tired of doing things for people, tired of being the nice guy then having the rest of the world treat me like crap. obviously not everyone in the world does but, you know what I mean. It takes quite a bit to get me this angry, I'm not one that is angered easily or often but this just really set me off, I thought brothers were suppose to always be there for each other in times of need. I guess I just always thought that because I knew if my brothers ever needed anything, I would help them out in any way that they needed. Anyway enough rambling on and on. I love my brothers very much and I will still do anything for them, if they ever need help i'll be there even if they haven't always been there for me.
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