So after my rant the other night I got thinking and there was something I forgot to mention, one thing that makes me more mad than anything!! Girls who claim to be mormon and they're super awesome and you think it's someone you wanna date but they you find out that they drink and/or smoke or something stupid like that. Now I think everyone has a right to believe and do what they want. But I wont date someone that does that stuff. it's not something I want in my life. So I hate finding incredibly awesome girls then come to find out they do stuff like that. it kills me. I just hate that they can't see how stupid doing all that stuff is. None of that is going to make you happy. sure you might have fun doing it in the moment and all that but it's just so stupid, I can't say that enough. And of course it's my luck to find a pretty chill girl, someone that actually likes me and would date me then I find out that stuff and they don't want to stop and they think it's fun and all that. well sorry i'm not having that. One thing my mission president taught me and I think this is going to be the hardest thing in the world he was giving me my going home interview/talk and of course they always talk about marriage in that, but he said, "Elder Christofferson, when it comes to searching for your eternal companion you need to find someone that loves the Lord more than she loves you." That just isn't something you see a whole lot of now days. The girls that do love the Lord that much always seem to be so awkward, then all the girls that are super chill and that I get a long with really well, don't seem to really care about that. They may go to church and stuff but through their actions you know thats not the case. It just sucks and it really makes me wonder if there is a girl out there that has what i'm looking for. Now i'm not talking about someone like super churchy that wont watch a PG-13 movie but just someone down to earth, someone who knows there beliefs and lives by them but also isn't perfect. if she swears here or there big deal. But those type of people just don't seem to exist. Maybe it's just Utah?! But it seems like everyone is one extreme of the other. Super churchy or super crazy, is there no girls in the middle ground? I have found probably 2 girls like that. 2 out of all the people i've met here!! and of course what happens with them? well i'm wasn't really their type so nothing. Now because i've had these 2 awesome girls in my life if only for a second that I compare everyone to them and no one compares. One of them I can't stop thinking about lately and it's driving me crazy. I thought I had gotten over her a long time, now I find myself looking at her facebook page, getting jealous when I see pictures of her and guys and wishing she would talk to me. It sucks knowing that you're not good enough for someone or that you're not what they want when it seems like they're the person that could just make you happy forever. You start to wish they would give you a shot but as you think about it, you come to a realization that it's not going to happen. Then you get that feeling of loneliness which is the worst feeling in the world, you sit there and wonder if someone like that will ever come a long again and how long it'll take. But you feel as though no one can measure up to that person. Sometimes I wonder why i'm still friends with her, there's a reason I stopped talking to her and it was because it hurt so much knowing she was interested, no i'm just setting myself up for failure and walking right down the same path i've already taken. But I guess that's what happens when a person brings out the best in you. that's what i've always wanted is someone that makes me want to be a better person, and that's exactly what she does. and that's probably why I can't stop thinking about her because she makes me the type of person I want to be and that I try to be but I can't reach that level without a boost and thats what she provides me with, even tho she probably doesn't know it or doesn't see it. but she really is an amazing person! who wouldn't want to be around someone like that right?
You make me wanna fly, so high. so high, high baby.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
can't get you off my mind
It's been a minute since i've had something to vent about so I guess it's about time that I have a little venting sesh. Lately life has been going pretty good, I really haven't had too much to complain about. With school and work and sports and everything going on I haven't had much time to sit and think about my problems and that's how it should be. I've decided being busy is the best way to keep your mind of things you don't want to think about. It doesn't always work, but it really is a big help.
Over the last few weeks there's been a few things crossing through my mind that i've thought about talking about and so tonight I'm finally going to talk about a few of them. probably not all of them though. There's one thing I might mention a little bit and kind of beat around the bush just because I don't know if i'm exactly ready to talk about it. SO....
Number one, I've been thinking about a certain girl a lot lately. It's kind of weird because it's someone I never thought I would be talking to. I don't know what it is about her that keeps sucking me in and wanting to see her and spend time with her. I keep trying to avoid it because i'm almost 100% sure that she doesn't and would never want to be anything more than just friends...which isn't a bad thing. At the same time I hate that every time I talk to her I start getting my hopes up like, "well maybe things could work out," or "Maybe things are different now." I'm really sucky at getting my hopes up and I'm very good at getting my hopes shut down. It makes me feel so dumb for even thinking there might be something there. So girls are stupid and i'm trying not think about them or think about the possibilities and i'm trying to focus on just going on dates to have fun and be friends. Just because I go on a date with someone doesn't mean something has to become of it. This is one thing I suck at again. I was once told the point of dating es to eventually find the person you're going to marry. What would the point be in dating someone if you didn't see it maybe going somewhere. This is why I suck at that. When I ask a girl on a date it's usually because i'm interested in here and wanting to get to know her. Well it takes a few dates to get to know someone and i'm a pretty good judge of character and if I like a girl or not I think haha. So what i'm trying to get at is that i'm not going to just go out and ask a girl out that I feel like I have no interest in, what would be the point in that. Now if I have a friend set me up on a date and I facebook stalk her and I don't think she's my type i'll still go on a date because that's the gentleman thing to do, to not judge before you know someone. So after having said all that I guess what I really mean is that if I ask a girl on a date it's because I could probably see it going somewhere. Obviously it doesn't always work out that way, but this is why I get my hopes up because most girls will at least go on a date with you. So once again I've realized I get my hopes up way to easily and that's something I need to work on. So next time I take out the girl I was talking about before, if I get a chance, i'm going to take her out with intentions to be her friend. If things work out, awesome! if not well at least I didn't get my hopes up to just have them crushed.
Number 2,There's a certain phrase that girls say that really bothers me. I'm not going to say what it is because 100 times out of 100 people mean it in a nice way. But when girls say this certain phrase, it's kind of like a slap in the face to us guys and the girl has no idea. especially coming from a girl you like. It's kind of like when the girl you like calls you cute. That's a terrible thing it's like her saying, "you're cute, but you're just not quite cute enough for me, you're more like monkey cute. everyone thinks monkeys are cute but no one would ever want to date one. So there's just this one phrase that when a girl says it to me, even with the best intentions and really meaning it, it just drives me absolutely crazy. It makes me feel like the biggest piece of crap and like i'm not good enough for anyone.
Number 3 has to go along with my family. I think my probably lies to me more than anyone. Any time anyone starts talking to my brother about getting married they always turn to me and ask me when it's my turn and if i'm dating anyone. When I tell them that, "no i'm not" they always say "well why not? you're just so cute and so fun to be around." That right there has to be the biggest lie i've ever heard! If people really thought I was so fun and so cute then I probably would've had at least one girlfriend in my life time. But guess what? that number still stands at 0. So why is it that only your family says that? it's because it's a lie and they're the only ones that think that.
Number 4, I gotta find a way to gain some weight, nothing has ever freaking worked stupid metabolism. I've decided the type of girls I like, don't like skinny guys, which I've always known. But i've just been thinking about it more lately. girls like the buff athletic guy, especially the type of girls i'm attracted to. Now I've got the athletic part down, I can play pretty much and sport and be pretty good at it, (not trying to brag) I just feel like it's one of my talents is sports. I mean I grew up playing golf, soccer, baseball, basketball. I grew up doing water sports, skiing, snowboarding, I've played tennis, volleyball and I use to wrestle. I was a 4 year starter for soccer in high school, I was a 3 year starter for golf. So give me a sport and I can do it. That's probably my biggest strength and probably why when I'm done with school I want to do something with sports whether it's coaching, or working with athletes, sports is where I need to be. But girls just don't seem to really care about that. They look at me and see a skinny boy and that's the first thing they think is, "I don't want a skinny guy" so they already put me to the side and haven't given me a chance. Girls and guys now days are so shallow. People don't give people chances and it's really irritating. I know from what I said earlier this probably makes me sound like a hypocrite but I really do try to give everyone a chance. i'm not perfect at it, but I know how it feels to be judged before they really know me and it sucks so I really try not to do that to people it's just not fair. Anyway I just realized this whole post is stupid full of me complaining, being stupid and just all the above but I'm to lazy to go back and change some of my thoughts so oh well. Hopefully things keep going up, they seem to be on the up slope, but with life you never know what's going to happen so you just gotta try and enjoy every minute of it.
Over the last few weeks there's been a few things crossing through my mind that i've thought about talking about and so tonight I'm finally going to talk about a few of them. probably not all of them though. There's one thing I might mention a little bit and kind of beat around the bush just because I don't know if i'm exactly ready to talk about it. SO....
Number one, I've been thinking about a certain girl a lot lately. It's kind of weird because it's someone I never thought I would be talking to. I don't know what it is about her that keeps sucking me in and wanting to see her and spend time with her. I keep trying to avoid it because i'm almost 100% sure that she doesn't and would never want to be anything more than just friends...which isn't a bad thing. At the same time I hate that every time I talk to her I start getting my hopes up like, "well maybe things could work out," or "Maybe things are different now." I'm really sucky at getting my hopes up and I'm very good at getting my hopes shut down. It makes me feel so dumb for even thinking there might be something there. So girls are stupid and i'm trying not think about them or think about the possibilities and i'm trying to focus on just going on dates to have fun and be friends. Just because I go on a date with someone doesn't mean something has to become of it. This is one thing I suck at again. I was once told the point of dating es to eventually find the person you're going to marry. What would the point be in dating someone if you didn't see it maybe going somewhere. This is why I suck at that. When I ask a girl on a date it's usually because i'm interested in here and wanting to get to know her. Well it takes a few dates to get to know someone and i'm a pretty good judge of character and if I like a girl or not I think haha. So what i'm trying to get at is that i'm not going to just go out and ask a girl out that I feel like I have no interest in, what would be the point in that. Now if I have a friend set me up on a date and I facebook stalk her and I don't think she's my type i'll still go on a date because that's the gentleman thing to do, to not judge before you know someone. So after having said all that I guess what I really mean is that if I ask a girl on a date it's because I could probably see it going somewhere. Obviously it doesn't always work out that way, but this is why I get my hopes up because most girls will at least go on a date with you. So once again I've realized I get my hopes up way to easily and that's something I need to work on. So next time I take out the girl I was talking about before, if I get a chance, i'm going to take her out with intentions to be her friend. If things work out, awesome! if not well at least I didn't get my hopes up to just have them crushed.
Number 2,There's a certain phrase that girls say that really bothers me. I'm not going to say what it is because 100 times out of 100 people mean it in a nice way. But when girls say this certain phrase, it's kind of like a slap in the face to us guys and the girl has no idea. especially coming from a girl you like. It's kind of like when the girl you like calls you cute. That's a terrible thing it's like her saying, "you're cute, but you're just not quite cute enough for me, you're more like monkey cute. everyone thinks monkeys are cute but no one would ever want to date one. So there's just this one phrase that when a girl says it to me, even with the best intentions and really meaning it, it just drives me absolutely crazy. It makes me feel like the biggest piece of crap and like i'm not good enough for anyone.
Number 3 has to go along with my family. I think my probably lies to me more than anyone. Any time anyone starts talking to my brother about getting married they always turn to me and ask me when it's my turn and if i'm dating anyone. When I tell them that, "no i'm not" they always say "well why not? you're just so cute and so fun to be around." That right there has to be the biggest lie i've ever heard! If people really thought I was so fun and so cute then I probably would've had at least one girlfriend in my life time. But guess what? that number still stands at 0. So why is it that only your family says that? it's because it's a lie and they're the only ones that think that.
Number 4, I gotta find a way to gain some weight, nothing has ever freaking worked stupid metabolism. I've decided the type of girls I like, don't like skinny guys, which I've always known. But i've just been thinking about it more lately. girls like the buff athletic guy, especially the type of girls i'm attracted to. Now I've got the athletic part down, I can play pretty much and sport and be pretty good at it, (not trying to brag) I just feel like it's one of my talents is sports. I mean I grew up playing golf, soccer, baseball, basketball. I grew up doing water sports, skiing, snowboarding, I've played tennis, volleyball and I use to wrestle. I was a 4 year starter for soccer in high school, I was a 3 year starter for golf. So give me a sport and I can do it. That's probably my biggest strength and probably why when I'm done with school I want to do something with sports whether it's coaching, or working with athletes, sports is where I need to be. But girls just don't seem to really care about that. They look at me and see a skinny boy and that's the first thing they think is, "I don't want a skinny guy" so they already put me to the side and haven't given me a chance. Girls and guys now days are so shallow. People don't give people chances and it's really irritating. I know from what I said earlier this probably makes me sound like a hypocrite but I really do try to give everyone a chance. i'm not perfect at it, but I know how it feels to be judged before they really know me and it sucks so I really try not to do that to people it's just not fair. Anyway I just realized this whole post is stupid full of me complaining, being stupid and just all the above but I'm to lazy to go back and change some of my thoughts so oh well. Hopefully things keep going up, they seem to be on the up slope, but with life you never know what's going to happen so you just gotta try and enjoy every minute of it.
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