Monday, November 26, 2012

mixed signals

After not having been worrying about dating for a while or anything, I finally decided to give it another shot. I realize it's only been a few months but that was exactly what I needed. A friend of mine introduced me to his sister a few weeks ago and I thought she was very beautiful and after talking to her she was very down to earth and just nice and I could just tell she was a good person, needless to say I wanted to take her out. Well unfortunately she lives in Provo so I didn't know when I would get a chance to take her out. Well over thanksgiving I was in salt lake and my buddy that is this girls brother told me I needed to get her up to Logan for the weekend, I had no complaints and told him I would try. So he gave me her number so I could make an attempt to get her up to Logan, well over the next few days we talked a little bit I talked her into coming up to Logan, the only thing was that she would need a ride up and a ride home. Of course I offered to give her a ride both ways so that I could have an opportunity to get to know her better and I was really excited. So I picked her up Saturday morning from Provo and we headed up to Logan for the football game to watch her brother play. The ride up was great, we talked the whole time and she was easy to talk to and I just nice to actually connect with someone. As we're walking up she asks if I want to come sit with her and her family, so I said yeah that would be fine. I sat with her the whole game and after we rushed the field and took some pictures with her family and we met back up at her brothers place because they invited me to go to dinner with them for her brothers birthday. So we went out to dinner and it was nice to just spend time with her and talk with her family and get to know all of them and it was just a good time. After eating we all went up to the basketball game and by this time we were all kind of tired it had been a long day, so for the first half we would stand with everyone and do everything and it was good but it was tiring so by half time we just stayed sitting down. She kept flirting with me a little bit so during the 2nd half she would put her head on my shoulder and just kinda relax and it just felt good, it was so nice and I really enjoyed being at the game with her. When the game ended we went back to her brothers to figure out what was going on that night and I could tell she was getting pretty tired, I was even feeling pretty tired, so while everyone went out we decided to stay behind and just watch a movie. I was so glad she wanted to do that because it just meant I got to spend more one on one time with her. After everyone left we put in a movie and we just cuddled for the whole movie it was great. It felt right and I realized that was something that I wanted in my life. When the movie ended we stayed and talked for a little bit but then I let her go to bed. I got home and I was on cloud 9, I felt like everything that day had just gone right. I was so happy and I hope things were going to continue going this well. Well, things didn't stay the way I had hoped. in fact I don't even know what to think right now and I'll tell ya why. Sunday I went to pick her up to drive her back down to Provo but when I walked in to get her, I just felt like something was wrong, she had this bothered/stressed look on her face and I just thought to myself, "oh no!! I hope this isn't going to be a bad drive down." Well as we got in the car I was trying to talk to her and she would answer and stuff but I could tell something was just bothering her. I asked her if she was ok and she said she was fine so I just tried to drop it. but all the way through the canyon it was a pretty quiet drive. We stopped in Brigham City to get some gas and when I got back in the car she was reading something on her phone, I'm not one to pry or snoop but it looked like a long message and when she responded to the text she spent quite a bit of time texting back whoever it was so I just knew something was wrong and I didn't know what to do. so after more time in silence I asked her again if she was ok because I felt like something was bothering her and all she said was, "I just have a lot on my mind and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." How do you take that? I didn't even know what to say and she just apologized for being a bad ride and I told her it was ok. and I told her if she wanted to talk I was willing to listen because it takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable but she didn't want to talk about it so we sat in silence some more. I had pretty much talked about everything I could think of and didn't know what to say so we sat in silence some more till salt lake and as we were driving by down town she mentioned that you couldn't see the lights from the freeway. I took the next exit and we went and drove around the temple to kind of look at the lights and that seemed to make her a little bit happier. I was able to talk with her and carry a conversation a little better after that till about Lehi when she got quiet again. I was so confused about what was going on and I just didn't know what to do or say, I felt bad that something was bothering her and that there was nothing I could do about it. So the rest of the drive was pretty quiet again and her is where I get really confused. So I was dropping her off at her aunts house because that;s where her car was, but we got out of the car and I grabbed one of her bags to take to her car and I put it in. After the car ride down I felt like she wasn't really interested in me so I didn't expect anything well as I gave her a hug goodbye I went to let go but she kept holding on so I held on for a little bit longer....if she wasn't interested I don't think she would have hugged me like that. After the hug she apologized again for being a bad ride and as I let go of the hug I let my hand kind of slide down and I just placed them on her hips while I looked at her and talked to her. She went to grab them and I thought she was going to take them off and as she grabbed my hands I thought she was going to let go, but she just kind of held on to them while we kept talking and I just thought this is so weird, what am I supposed to think?!? If she doesn't like you or anything she wouldn't hug you like that and hold on to your hands like that. Then as we said our goodbyes she said, "I hope to see you again soon." but it was just the way she said it, I couldn't tell if she actually meant it or if she just said it like she was trying to be nice. And I know I'm probably over analyzing everything and I shouldn't be but it just got my mind going and I felt like there were so many mixed signals and I just didn't know what to think or say. Needless to say I had a very long drive with a lot on my mind and it really sucks. After having such a good day with her everything just got so confusing, after that first night I thought everything was going to be good, but of course things can never be easy when girls are involved. They always make things so confusing it can never be easy with them. It just reminded me why I hate dating so bad and why I never want to get involved with anyone. Now that I hung out/went out with her I'm obviously interested because I had such a good time but after the drive home it makes me have doubts about what she thinks, so now I'm obviously stuck thinking about her, but what about her? she's probably not interested which means i'm going to be left hurt thinking about what could have been. it's the worst feeling in the world that you're not good enough for someone especially after thinking you were. Anyway if any ladies read this, just keep things simple, don't send all kinds of mixed signals, just be straight up with someone and it'll make things easier for both of you. Just keep it simple, not that hard to do.