She's just not that in to you.

I should be going to sleep right now, but I can't. I just have too many things on my mind and it's frustrating that it's just the same things over and over. I've been doing a little thinking tonight since I had so much free time at work and I've been thinking about this girl and what to do with her. The conclusion that I've come to is that all the signs are there that she's not interested but wants to keep me there maybe as a "back up plan." So here's what I see.... First, the only time she talks to me is if I talk to her first, she wont go out of her way to talk to me, but after I do start a conversation with her she will continue to talk to me and wont just end and she wont be short with me. If she was interested she would probably text me once in a while, but since she wants to keep me around just in case she'll carry a conversation with me. Second, she'll say little things to keep my hopes up. unfortunately this always works and makes me think i'll have a chance. The other week I did something nice for and so she text me to say thank you and during the conversation she said, "when will I see you again?" making it sound like she really did want to see me again. but does she really? I don't think she really does, I think she was just saying that because I did something nice for her and so she said that as a way of making it up to me I guess you could say. I think deep down she doesn't really care to see me, I mean think if I happened to be around she might be ok with seeing me or hanging out, but once again she's not going to go out of her way to do it, she'll just do what's convenient for her, but like I said she'll do enough to keep me around thinking she wants to see me when in reality it's not a big deal. 3rd I know things have been on the rocks with her ex boyfriend but it seems like they're going to be patching things up. Which I don't understand why girls keep going back to these stupid guys that treat them like crap. Girls now days do not know how to get over a guy and move on. It seems like every time I hear about anyone breaking up, they're back together the next week no matter how unhappy they are with each other. I've had friends who have called me to talk to me and get advice when they've broken up with their boyfriends and they'll tell me things like, "I prayed about it and I just know it's not right and we're not meant to be together." I think ok, they finally get it but then the next week they're back with the guy.....It just blows my mind how you can receive such a firm answer and you just ignore it. They go back thinking that things will be better this time around....guess what ladies if he's treated you like crap the last 4 or 5 times, he's NOT going to just change the 6th or 7th or 8th, or even 100th time. So ladies, I know guys aren't perfect either we do stupid things too that you like to complain about but I honestly feel like that is one of the biggest problems in today's world. If you leave a guy, don't be scared to move on and be with someone else. I know it hurts, but it's never going to get better if you don't put yourself out there with someone else, you're just going to dwell on the stupid guy and then that will make you miss him and then you'll want to go back to him. You're holding yourself back when you do this, girls please learn to leave them in the past and move on...I know easier said than done, but really for a guy it's very annoying and frustrating to have you not see what's happening and have you get hurt over and over by the same person. Sometimes you just need to give someone else a chance that has been around and maybe it'll open up your eyes. I don't really know what else to say about that, I think that was probably my biggest point, get over him and move on. But yes like I was saying I think she's getting back with this guy which from the things I have heard would be a huge mistake, but we're not really close enough where I can talk to her about and see what she's thinking. If I were to try and talk to her about it, it would just sound like I was trying to convince her to not be with him so that she could be with me which is the the reason I would do it. I would do it because I don't want to see her keep making that mistake but unfortunately I can't do that. So there you have it, the 3 reasons she has shown me she's really not all that in to me. It just really sucks to think about because after that first night I spent with her, I was just so happy and I was grinning from ear to ear and every time I see her, or I'm with her that's what happens to me, I just smile and I can't help but notice how happy I am when I'm spending time with her, But like I said that girls have trouble moving on, maybe I do to and I think I do need to try and put this in the past and just move on and let things be, It sucks knowing that something that makes you happy wont be around or be part of you're life so that hurts and I don't think anyone likes to take something out of their life but I think sometimes we have to take step back so that we can move forward or take some happiness out of our life so that we can receive even more happiness when it comes into our lives. I just hope I don't have to wait as long for the next girl to come around because it doesn't seem to happen very often for me. So to this amazing girl, I think I need to put you in the past, I get that you're just not interested. I wish you would have just told me so I would have had so many sleepless nights wondering what you thought or how you felt, but I think your signs are pretty clear, so I give up, I'm not going to try anymore. They say that you need to fight for the things you want, so I fought. They say girls build up walls to see if you're willing to climb them, I was willing but if you keep building while i'm climbing i'll never be able to reach the top and show you. It hurts, but I think it'll be best, Maybe once i'm out of your life, you'll realize that just maybe there was something you missed out on and you'll give me a chance, but until then I can't keep putting forth all this effort if you're not willing to put any in.

I'm falling for her

I don't know how she does it....every time I talk to her I get these little butterflies in my stomach. She makes me feel like I'm back in high school and the worst part is, is that without even trying she gets me to open up to her. I really hate this and i'm pretty much setting myself up here. I'm not the kind of person that likes to open up to people, I like to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I guess she just has this charm about that when she asks me something I feel like I can just tell her anything. I'm going to be honest, this scares the CRAP out of me! I don't want to be this open with her and have her not be interested in. She shows glimpses of interest then other times I feel like she's not at all. I don't want someone that I barely know to know all these things about especially if it doesn't mean anything to them. I know that you can't get anywhere without putting you're heart out there but I've just never felt so vulnerable in my life, and I don't know what it is about her. No matter how much I try to talk myself out of not opening up or not feeling a certain way all it takes is a simple little conversation and she's in total control. At the same time it's never felt so good to just be completely open and honest with someone, can you see where I'm having these mixed feelings? I don't know that i've really ever felt this way about someone and I can't stop thinking about her. All I want to do is be able to see her and spend time with her. It's scary knowing she probably doesn't feel that way. I'm trying to be optimistic and patient and letting life run it's course and I hope and pray that things work out for the best, but I can't help but think about how badly I want things to work out for me for once.  Maybe it's just has to do with Valentines day as I saw all these couples together and all these guys buying flowers for their girls and maybe it just made me want it that much more that I am know over thinking things again. All I know is that this girl has tripped me and I'm falling for her, whether she knows it or not and whether or not she's falling for me, at the end of the day all I know is that she's special and she puts the biggest smile on my face. She's someone I can see myself growing close to and someone I want to continue to get to know. At the end of the day all I know is that i'm falling for her.