So it's been a few months since I've written here on my blog and actually as of lately i've been writing most of my stuff down in my journal, I find that writing helps me clear my mind a little bit more than this blog does. but this still helps. Anyway a lot has gone on in the last couple months and I don't even know where to begin.....Not so much has happened with girls but other things..I guess to start, back in the summer I started running and getting back in shape and once I started doing that I decided I wanted to play soccer for Utah State. It had always been a dream of mine to play college soccer and I had kept putting it off thinking I wasn't in good enough shape or that I was just too lazy, but this time I had plenty of time to get ready. Anyway try-outs came and I was really impressed with some of the talent that was there, while I wasn't the greatest I felt like I held my own and that I was in the middle top half of the pack, well day 2 came and once again I felt pretty good about how I had done, but it wasn't good enough, I didn't even make first cuts...I was crushed, I had never been cut from a soccer team before. I kind of thought I wouldn't make the team, but I felt like I would have at least made first cuts. Anyway it was a hard pill to swallow and i felt pretty worthless and like I had let a bunch of people down, but mostly myself... it hurts trying to make a dream come true and realizing that you're not quite good enough. But I did learn a lot and my family all talked to me about how proud they were of me for at least chasing me dreams and doing everything I could to accomplish them. So even though I didn't make the team I still have an opportunity in about a week to make my dreams come true of playing on a college team. I'll be trying out for the Utah State men's volleyball team where I think I'll have a better chance of making it, but I guess we will have to see what happens, I'm working hard to make this dream a reality and all I can do is go out and compete and give it my all and hope for the best. so I'll have to let you know how that all goes. But that was the main thing that had been going on in my life I was focusing so much on soccer and getting in shape and stuff that I didn't have a ton of time for girls or anything else. Also with school starting back up I've barely had time for myself.
As for girls, towards the end of summer I met an awesome girl named Catherine and she was pretty shy, but we ended up becoming friends and I thought she might like me and from the way she talks to me I still think she kind of does but I don't really know what to think about the whole thing. She still lives with her mom and her dad just passed away and so her mom doesn't let her out much so I invite her to things but she hasn't been able to come once and so we haven't hung out once, but when we talk, she talks to me and asks me questions and makes me feel like she's really interested but I don't know, think because of how her mom is she's scared to hang out with me or maybe she's just really not interested in me so she keeps making up excuses, but every time I think I'm done with her and I stop talking to her, she'll start talking to me and it's just been hard because I'm so interested in getting to know but I can't find a way to spend time with her to get to know her...Anyway while all this is going on there is this other girl I know named Mee, she's cute she's great and she's actually interested in me, but here's the catch, first of all she lives in salt lake so there's already a distance issue, 2nd she's not a member of the church and isn't really interested in it so right off the bat I don't want to date someone who isn't a member because I plan on being married in the temple and if she's not interested in that then it most likely wont happen. It just sucks because I finally found someone interested in me that I can see myself dating but because of what seems like little things which are really big I just know it wont work out. I just don't know how to handle it all, I'm feeling like i'm getting really old....ok not really old but older and I still haven't had an actual girlfriend, i'm starting to think I was just meant to be single forever, maybe i'm too picky, I don't know. it's just hard trying to be so patient and wait for the right person to come around, it's frustrating to see all my friends get married and or date people and I just get kinda left hanging. I don't understand why it's taking me so long or maybe there are things wrong with me that I need to fix and I think i've said that before but I just don't know. So yeah that's basically what has been going on over the last couple months and we'll see how things go over the next few and maybe things will start to look up for me, only time will tell.
