my fairytale girl

Welcome boys and girls to story time with Jake. So tonight I was watching Kim's fantasy wedding with some friends, sounds kinda gay but it was kinda funny. Anyway it got me thinking about my fantasy wedding lately I've had this girl on my mind that i've crushed on for a while and i don't see things ever going anywhere with her but if it did, it would just complete my fairytale, so i'm going to tell everyone about this girl because in my eyes she's more perfect than any girl I've ever met.
     About 6 or 7 years ago just hanging out with my friends when we decided to make a trip to wal-mart. So we go and do our thing there and as we're leaving, we were backing out of parking spot and there's just this really beautiful girl walking into the store and so we pull up to her and my buddy leans out the window and says hey are you so and so, she says yeah I am and he was like that's tight you're my cousin! haha I guess he didn't really know her that well. Anyway at the time I just thought oh she's cute but didn't really think anything of it. This happened when I was maybe a sophomore or a Jr. in High school. Anyway after my mission I've run into this girl a few times but i've never said anything to me cuz I doubt she would remember me, I mean I was sitting in the back seat of my friends car the first time we met and it was just a quick introduction. So yeah i've never really talked to her. Anyway so I've always been so scared to talk to her because she's just the MOST gorgeous girl I've met, but not only is she gorgeous she's the complete package. because she is my buddies cousin he told me a lot about her, but we also have lots of friend in common and i've just randomly heard people talk about her and so naturally I ask them what she's like. I've never ever hear one single bad thing about her. All I hear is how awesome she is, how fun she is and of course how pretty she is. So of course how could I not want someone like her around. Anyway I ended up adding her on facebook because my friend was suppose to set me up on a date with her but I hate just adding people because I feel like a creep when I do that, so I was very nervous just to do that. Much to my surprise she accepted me. After becoming her facebook friend naturally I look through her pictures not only to see if all the stories I had heard about her were true but just to kind of get to know her. Not only were the things that people have said were true but I also saw so much more in this girl. Not only could I tell she was fun and out going and awesome and pretty, but there was even more to her! believe it or not. Just from her pictures and posts I could see how close she is with her family, how much she loves them and how well they get along. I could also see her spiritual side, she's someone that has a deep love for God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What more could a guy want in a girl? She definitely was the complete package. So after some time I decided to try and write her a little message just because I hate when people add me as a friend then don't talk to me and so I didn't want to be that person. Basically I just wrote her a short message asking her if she remembered me and if she didn't I just wanted to introduce myself to her so she could get to know me. I never ever heard back from her, but I found out at the time when I wrote that she has been dating someone so that makes me wonder if that had something to do with her not responding. Anyway I've just been thinking about her a lot over the last little bit and can't help but think what things would be like with a girl like that in my life, it's not very often that you find girls like her in our world today that have the complete package. In fact I would dare say they're almost extinct because you only find girls like this once in a blue moon. So i've decided I have nothing to lose right. I'm going to find a way to ask this girl on a date. Why not? I'm pretty sure she's single now and who knows. I think she's worth taking the risk, it's kind of weird tho because even tho i've never hung out with her or spent time with just from the things I've heard from my best friend and from my other friends that know her, I feel like I know her. That sounds kind of dumb and childish, but it's true I've never felt like i've known someone so well when i really don't know them. Anway in my fantasy wedding it's going to be a girl just like her, someone well rounded, someone down to earth, someone who knows how to have fun but also knows where to draw the line, someone who knows where their priorities lie and someone who knows their standards....In my eyes this girl is perfect and I may never ever get the chance to tell her that. I hope that one day I do, even if nothing comes from it at least we could be friends, how could you not want someone like that as a friend. It never hurts to dream big, "no dream is ever to big and no dreamer is ever too small."

Learning to move on

So recently i've been feeling pretty good about life....this is a bad sign. Once I start getting comfortable something always happens, well guess what? something happened tonight. I don't even know how to express my feelings about this because I myself am so confused and I'm not sure what I should think or do. I feel like I'm taking steps backwards which I am I can tell. So once upon a time there was a girl I liked and kinda dated but not really because she wasn't sure about things and wasn't sure where her life was going, well anyway she moved away kinda randomly and kinda quickly I didn't get much a chance to see her before she left or spend time with her but she was doing what she wanted and needed to do. Well anyway needless to say I was left a little heartbroken and struggled to get over her. well I had been doing good, I even went out on a few dates tried to move on. Basically I saw it as, she's moved away i'll never see her again so why waste my time worrying about her because there's nothing I can do to fix things. Well like I said things were going good right? well tonight outta nowhere she starts talking to me on facebook. I could never bring myself to talk to her because I know talking to her would just make me miss her and make all those feelings come back, so I made myself a promise I wouldn't talk to her until I knew for sure I was over her or if she talked to me first. anyway like I said she started talking to me on facebook and she asked, "what I would say if she were back in utah?" I didn't know how to answer, I had so many thoughts run through my head. so all I said was "I would be mad that you didn't call me and tell me." and she continued to tell me she might be moving back in the ear future. once again I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to get excited and act all happy because I didn't know if she was just saying that because thats what she wanted me to say, but I also didn't want to be a jerk to her so all that came out was. "oh that's cool" of course she could tell something was off and she said, "you don't sound very excited?" you caught me!! what do I say to that? part of me wanted to be the mean guy and say nope I don't, because girls always want what they can't have right? so by saying that it would make her want me right? but I couldn't lie so of course my nice side came out and I said what she wanted to hear, "of course I still do." yes I was excited because I liked her and just by her telling me she's coming back makes me want things to work. but at the same time I wasn't excited at all because knowing she was here would just kill me, apparently all my feelings aren't gone for her. I hate how she controls me so easily with basically no effort at all, how she can make me miss her and want to be with her so bad just by saying she might be around. I hate how easily I care for people and let them get the best of me. I hate being the "nice" guy the "sweet" guy. It just puts me in bad positions, positions to get hurt while everyone else just takes advantage of you and use you however they please because they know you're nice and would do anything for them. there's so many things about her that I hate and it doesn't make sense because for all these things that I hate, you would think that it would be so easy to get over her, and it's not. All I want to do is move on and everytime I start to do just that, she has a way of reeling me back in. Learning to move on isn't easy and probably never will be but it's something I need to work on so I can live my life without worrying and eventually find someone that wants to be with me.